New Games |
- Star Trek Online teases stuff for May, probably Romulans
- Pikmin's Olimar leads a sad, lonely existence
- White Materia is FFVII tunes mashed with popular songs
- Old Nintendo game translations were fun!
- Atlus' latest roleplayer features adorable winter hats
- BioWare co-founder talks beer and videogames
- Review: Croixleur
- My quest to find the best mods for Left 4 Dead 2
- The Question: Have you ever bought a season pass?
- Review: Cart Life
- The future of Steam and more in Newell's Reflections talk
- Storm's Adventure with Wii U and Nintendo Land
- Five Dark Souls bosses that made me want to punch a baby
- Performing live necromastication for your enjoyment
- Preview: The first 30 minutes of God of War: Ascension
- Celebrate Valentine's Day with the I <3 Controllers shirt
- Meet Pokemon X/Y's new bug and bird Pokemon
- Senran Kagura has giant fluffy pancakes
- Capcom: Resident Evil: Revelations was a success
- Giant bugs from space return in Earth Defense Force 2025
- Skullgirls' first DLC character is called Squigly
- Mega64 revisits a classic with BurgerTime
- Skylanders event being held in New York next week
- Here's how to turn you 3DS into a Pokedex
| Star Trek Online teases stuff for May, probably Romulans Posted: 02 Feb 2013 03:00 PM PST Star Trek Online may have just barely begun celebrating its third birthday with free spaceships and fan-made trailers, but Cryptic aren't about to stop trying to give people reasons to check out their free-to-play Trek trip. Now they've opened up a teaser site for what may be a new, Romulan-related addition slated for May this year. How do we know it's Romulan? For one, the green bird motif fits in well with the Romulan visual cues. The more telling hint is in some spiffy alien text that displays as "MARCH BENEATH THE RAPTOR'S WINGS" when highlighted. Sounds to me like Star Trek Online's players may finally be granted the chance to play as Romulans, or at least fly in their ships. A playable Romulan faction had been hinted at in various developer Q&A sessions held on the game's site, so this may be the fruition of those plans. Definitely good news for folks who want to get their Romulan on without having to create a Vulcan and just pretend they were super sinister and that sort of thing. May 2013 [Star Trek Online] |
| Pikmin's Olimar leads a sad, lonely existence Posted: 02 Feb 2013 02:00 PM PST I'm convinced that artist Zac Gorman is an Emotion Lord. How else can he play with our hearts and minds if not through the power of fifth-dimensional manipulation? Consider his recent Pikmin comic, in which he turns a bright and happy game into a vortex of loneliness and despair. Why must you torment us so, Zac? In all seriousness, I've been a big fan of Zac and his site Magical Game Time for quite a while. If you are new to his brand of Nintendo nostalgia, I've uploaded a few of his more recent strips to the gallery below. There's real wonderment here, including an homage to Roll from Mega Man, a darker take on BurgerTime, and a five-page Out of This World tribute. If you love his stuff, you ought to consider purchasing Magical Game Time Vol. 1, a 139-page digital book that contains larger versions all of his comics plus extra doodles and such. All that wholesome goodness is just a buck? I'd say that's pretty damn neat! |
| White Materia is FFVII tunes mashed with popular songs Posted: 02 Feb 2013 01:00 PM PST Random AKA Mega Ran knocked it out of the park with Black Materia, a love letter to his favorite Final Fantasy ever. He followed it up a year later with Black Materia: The Remixes, which inserts new beats into old tracks, expands others, and even adds all new ones. Both are some of the finest work he's ever done, not to mention among the best Final Fantasy musical tributes around. Proving again that third time's a charm -- not that the first two weren't already spectacular -- Ran has released White Materia. Another remix album? How did he plan on keeping that old shizz fresh? By recruiting mashup artist DJ Nerd42 to splice Black Materia lyrics with songs from Eminem, Guns N' Roses, Daft Punk, Will Smith, and many others. Ran's Yuffie rap "Ninja Girl" gets crossed over with "Gold Digger." No, not the Kanye West original. It's Weird Al's polka cover! That's flippin' AMAZING! And guest rapper Adam WarRock's "Cait Sith" is now backed by the theme song from Sesame Street! WHAT IS GOING ON HERE!? Best of all, unlike Ran's past two FFVII albums, this one is all free. You kinda need to listen to this stuff. It's pretty incredible. White Materia: Final Fantasy VII Mashups [Random]
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| Old Nintendo game translations were fun! Posted: 02 Feb 2013 12:00 PM PST The adorable (and undeniably Canadian) Rinry used to be able to pump out fun, nostalgic videos at a fairly decent clip. But ever since she became a mommy, she hasn't had as much time for video production. 'Tis a shame, 'cause her stuff is still the best! In this little throwback, Rinry reminisces about the old days of poor English translations on the NES, SNES, and Game Boy. Some notable cases -- like FFIV's "You spoony bard!" and Metal Gear's "I feel asleep!" -- have become quite popular over time. Others -- like the grammar nightmare of the original Zelda's opening text -- have been cleaned up in subsequent releases. I loved all those little hiccups in games! Made them feel genuine in a way, like the scrawny kid in PE who always comes up short in the fitness exam but still gives it his best every time. Translation Errors! [YouTube] |
| Atlus' latest roleplayer features adorable winter hats Posted: 02 Feb 2013 11:00 AM PST
Atlus has unveiled yet another class from its upcoming dungeon crawler Etrian Odyssey IV. Essentially the game's mage-type, these fearsome spellcasters channel the elements into powerful magical attacks to defeat their enemies. And while that's all well and good, I think we can all agree that their main appeal lies in those knit winter hats. So adorable! Etrian Odyssey IV's demo is coming next week and the full game will be here before you know it. You can grab the game from the Nintendo eShop or at retail starting February 26. |
| BioWare co-founder talks beer and videogames Posted: 02 Feb 2013 10:00 AM PST Before you head out to your local barcade this evening please take a moment to heed the sage advice of BioWare co-founder turned beer connoisseur Dr. Greg Zeschuk. Joystiq recently sat down with the good doctor (at a pub, I hope) to chat about the good doctor's latest project: a documentary series about craft beer. Naturally, the discussion turned to videogames. "Oh, that's got to be a real contemplative one," Zeschuk said when asked what type of brew would be best paired with an adventure game. "I think that'd be a sipper, so probably the biggest sipper type of beer is a barleywine. You sit back in your velvet jacket and sip your barleywine and play a point and click adventure." The full article is an entertaining read, as Zeschuk delves into several such combinations. It doesn't, however, quite touch on every pairing under the sun. Is survival horror best enjoyed with a side of saison? How about some stout with that strategy game? Do you have a favorite medley? Let us know. Dr. Greg Zeschuk matches genre to gravity with video game beer pairings [Joystiq] |
| Posted: 02 Feb 2013 09:00 AM PST It's impressive to reflect on how far-reaching and influential indie games have become in recent years. Small teams and one man acts are emerging from the woodwork to deliver experiences that rival those manufactured by the old guard. Despite how brightly that star shines, though, its spotlight rarely has extended to Japan's doujin scene. There's a thriving indie community on the other side of the Pacific, but you wouldn't know it given how little attention it receives in the West. Nyu Media is looking to change that by publishing high quality doujin software for the rest of the world to enjoy. Croixleur, their latest project, is an entertaining arcade romp. But if Nyu is looking to reverse the tide of perception, this serviceable hack and slash adventure probably isn't going to be the game to do it. Croixleur (PC) Set in a land where two factions vie for control, Croixleur follows the journey of two young ladies competing in an ancient rite to determine the balance of power. The premise is largely inconsequential, though, as what little story there is focuses more on baths the two warriors once took together as children, rather than any political melodrama. Drawing inspiration from Devil May Cry's Bloody Palace mode, the game's story mode takes place in a tower filled with monsters. Players are placed in a series of arenas and must defeat a set number of enemies in order to progress to the next floor. It's pretty simple and there aren't a whole lot of frills to the package, but what Croixleur does (combat), it does very well. Slashing, dashing, move canceling, the mechanics of everything seem incredibly refined and well tuned. Standard attacks are complemented by a sizable arsenal of unlockable weapons, each with their own properties and special moves. Nuanced systems help flesh out an otherwise unadorned game, as players will need to learn how everything works together to see it through to the end.
Croixleur is deceptively challenging. In the early going most enemies are harmless and will likely lead the player into a false sense of security. As the game goes on, they get stronger and far more aggressive. Infrequent health drops and permanent death make for a very frenetic experience in the latter levels when your life is hanging by a thread and you're up against one or more larger boss-type monster that drop the health you so badly desire. Avoiding damage is paramount. I can't stress that enough. However, the clock poses just as much of a threat as the enemies do. Croixleur is fifteen minutes long. And by that I mean if you can't beat it in under fifteen minutes (or ten to see the alternate ending), it's game over. I learned that the hard way after initially beating the end boss, but failing to mop up his minions in time. Unforgiving as it may be, the brutality of it all is what makes the game so exciting to play. You need to be quick, but you also can't be sloppy. It's the perfect ecosystem, really. Everything works in conjunction with everything else, something that's highlighted by the coins enemies drop when felled. Collecting one hundred coins yields crucial heavy attacks which are limited in supply but ever so helpful in getting the player out of tight spots. While you're worrying about the enemies and the ticking clock, you'll also want to be mindful of the coins since the rewards are imperative to your survival. Overall, it's pretty good. However, a distinct lack of enemy variety (unless different colors count), a finicky camera, and fifteen minute campaign are sure to turn off more than a few folks. That said, like a shoot'em up or fighting game, you'll likely spend quite some time with it before you develop the skills necessary to complete it. When you're done with the story there's an endless and score attack mode help to flesh out the package, but they never quite capture the chaotic magic of the campaign's final levels. Croixleur's largest sin might be its clear lack of ambition. This arcade hack and slash adventure is very competent at what it does but takes very few risks while doing it. The result is an experience that's easy to enjoy, but difficult to love. |
| My quest to find the best mods for Left 4 Dead 2 Posted: 02 Feb 2013 08:00 AM PST Mods are hardly new for Left 4 Dead 2, but now that Valve has added full Steam Workshop support, it's easier than ever to find and install user-created content. Literally, it's as easy as locating a promising-looking mod within Steam and clicking the "subscribe" button. This past week was somehow my first experience with Workshop -- and it was a good one, at that. I'm dying to see more titles support the feature, now that I've seen just how painless it makes the process, but that's a story for another day. You came for some entertaining Left 4 Dead 2 mods and that's what you're going to get. Considering Steam Workshop only recently shed its beta status for Valve's cooperative zombie shooter, one would be forgiven for thinking it might be too early to warrant such a post. Not so! The creativity of the community is already impressive and there's plenty of worthy mods that won't be able to make the cut here as a result. After getting really into the original Left 4 Dead, I was practically burned out on its sequel the week after launch; that was on consoles, mind you. At some point between then and now, I managed to snag a PC copy of L4D2 either from a steep discount or in a bundle, but never got around to sinking much time into this version. The time has come for another look. If you are similarly searching for something, anything, to get you reinvested in the game, mods are the answer. Holy hell are they ever. Here are some of my favorites so far: Survival map: Helm's Deep Reborn This is exactly what it sounds like: the Battle of Helm's Deep from The Lord of the Rings, recreated in Left 4 Dead 2. It's intended for multiple players, but it's also a great deal of fun on your own with AI bots. Mowing down infected from up high while the films' familiar music played right on cue was simply magical. Unfortunately, it's since been removed due to a licensing concern, but the soundtrack was only one aspect of an all-around great mod. This should be one of the first things you download. I would simply type out the word again in all caps, but Hamza's beaten me to the punch. While there are a number of nice replacement models for the survivors (Borderlands 2, Portal 2, etc.), this is the stand-out for its solid execution and original subject matter. And it's true: Who wouldn't want to play as a dinosaur fighting against the undead menace at least once? Scratch that -- who wouldn't want to play as a talking dinosaur? Because they totally retain the original voices, and it's pretty funny. Common infected: Deathcraft Zombies You might be skeptical of this choice, as I was before installing it. Minecraft has gotten out of control these past couple years; I've seen multiple (yes, multiple) children wearing a Creeper hoodie on the same day, and it's not like I was searching for them on a scavenger hunt. Regardless of the overabundance of Minecraft merch, the game's blocky undead fit in shockingly well with Left 4 Dead 2's realistic art style. They're so much fun to shoot, too! Don't knock it until you've seen this mod in action. While the last recommendation needed a bit of explanation, this one certainly does not. I wouldn't go so far as to say the Tank is frightening in its original Valve-sanctioned form, but he's certainly not a pleasant sight to see (or hear) in the game. We don't look forward to his arrival, I think we can all agree. But what if we did? What if the Tank was pudgy and non-threatening? What i--oh, good. You're already downloading the mod. Carry on. Frankly, there are times when I don't want to play games with other human beings, even if they are designed with such interaction in mind. That's where this mod comes in -- it attempts to make the AI-controlled survivors behave more like we would. (Or "should," I should say.) The bots still aren't perfect, but this is well worth grabbing. Admittedly, this won't look as good as you might hope it would in-game, but screw it. Replacing the common infected with Xenomorphs is equal parts terrifying and awesome. Now all the creator needs to do is add the iconic death screech and we'd be set. Music: Benny Hill Witch and Tank This one goes particularly well with the Stay Puft replacement for the Tank, adding to the overall goofiness of that mod. The classic music really sets the mood when you're gunning down marshmallow men, and as for the Witch, well -- you should probably still stay away from the Witch. Survival map: Panic in Pallet Town Ever since the first generation of Pokémon, I've always wanted to see Game Freak's handheld adventures expanded into full 3D worlds that could be fully explored. Hell, I'm still waiting for that to happen on a meaningful level. This mod wonderfully recreates Pallet Town, inside and out, for use in survival mode. I'd say it's still worth checking out even if you just want to do a quick tour rather than actually, you know, try to survive the undead apocalypse. The most time-consuming mods to get are undoubtedly the full custom campaigns which, in this specific instance, requires seven different parts that need to be downloaded from Steam Workshop. Of the campaigns I've played, none were as impressive as Back to School, a high-quality set of maps that really feels like it officially belongs in Left 4 Dead 2 -- it's that well-made. Best of all, it features the original four survivors! ----- These were the mods that made the top of my list. What about you? I didn't touch upon any of the custom weapons or user-interface designs, for example. What mods do you believe everyone needs to go download, whether featured in the Workshop or otherwise, to get the most out of Left 4 Dead 2? In before nude mods. |
| The Question: Have you ever bought a season pass? Posted: 02 Feb 2013 07:00 AM PST [Every Friday (or whenever), Destructoid will pose topical a question to the community. Answer it if you want!] With the release of another high-profile game in Aliens: Colonial Marines comes the announcement of another season pass. Originally seen as good-natured offerings -- granting players a discount on downloadable content -- season passes have started to feel "less like good will, and more like outright exploitation." The season pass is ushering in a new form of transaction where the consumer pays for, often times, unannounced content that has no definite foreshadowing of being worthwhile or not. In today's market it's not uncommon for the downloadable content of a AAA game to be less than stellar, but you still own it whether you like it or not. So, what's your take on season passes? Have you ever bought one? Ever been burned by one? Do you wait for a game with downloadable content to hopefully release an "All in One" edition? Drop a comment! |
| Posted: 02 Feb 2013 06:00 AM PST Cart Life's willingness to be mundane in an attempt to understand the mundane, without typical preconceptions, is its greatest strength as an empathetic work and its greatest failing as a game. As people, we find tighter bonds among each other not in sharing the games we love but rather sharing the parts we love of games we don't like. Cart Life is likely to be one of those games for me, as it elicits emotions and realizations in an effective way. However, it is a game best left unfinished. Cart Life (Windows) There is a moment early on in Cart Life where it became crystal clear what kind of game it is. Playing the role of a poor bagel stand operator, I spend the majority of an in-game day traveling to the grocery store, shopping, and returning home to cook a batch of bagels to sell the following day. Paying close attention to my recipe book, I add sugar, salt, yeast, and flour -- too much of it, unfortunately. There in big text: "MORE" -- but where is the "LESS" button, I wonder. And with one careless mistake, my virtual chef scrapes the black gunk out of the pot and into the trash. I screwed up my last batch of bagels, I'm broke, and I'm starving; and all I really want right now is for Cart Life to resemble a videogame, one that caters to a player's familiarity with there always being ways to undo mistakes or take alternative actions. Stubborn in its focus, Cart Life never loses sight of its goal of simulating the life of a menial job. It's a remarkable learning experience until it makes for a practical joke on the player.
Creator Richard Hofmeier calls it "a retail simulation." I call it Sims purgatory, a place where those virtual pants-peeing munchkins are subjected to child custody, cramped fingers, rush hour traffic, and social isolation. At first, it felt like a parody of life's cruel realities. And why wouldn't it for me: White suburban 20-something who hasn't worked retail a day in his life. Whether I started a game as bagel vendor Vinny, single parent Melanie, or Ukrainian immigrant Andrus, the story always became the same: I'm tired, bored, frustrated, broke, and with each day the reality of not making payments, not getting permits, and not making court dates becomes more grim. Worst of all, there are no plans for suicide DLC; like I said, Sims purgatory. When I first heard of Cart Life, it made me laugh at its concept which sounds like a game that would appear in a Simpsons episode or SNL skit in the '90s. "Whoa, a game where you can hold a menial job, fight for your child's custody, and grind coffee beans for two straight hours? EXTREME!" Cart Life doesn't beg for self-parody because it never panders to the player. By occupying the game's world, it becomes apparent who the character is and what the character must do to survive. The rules of the game are learned by living in its world, leading to many sad tales of cart vendors who bought the wrong ingredients, mothers that lost custody of their child, and immigrants so overworked that they forgot to feed their cat for days. Cart Life suggests these things happen in life more than we care to acknowledge. The world of Cart Life is strewn across neighborhood hubs on a city map. Each area has its own characteristics and denizens; distinguishing one from another is essential to financial success. Paying twice the amount for milk in the trendy, scenester grocer or trying to operate a high-end cart in the ghetto will not lead to retail victory. As it is with life, time is the greatest enemy in Cart Life. Each second represents a game minute and the clock never stops, so operating the cart as long and as early as possible is crucial. Each occupation has its own mini-game to represent the process of service: the bagel vendor summons a text box to retype a random phrase; the coffee vendor requires the player to perform finger gymnastics with the arrow keys; and the newspaper vendor, as do the others, must apply quick math to receive a great tip. Tip your hot dog vendor, people! After a couple in-game days, which are always succeeded by character-specific nightmares, my fingers were cramped and I was mentally exhausted by the monotony, fruitless results, and lifeless environment -- a world that doesn't acknowledge player and that the player can only communicate with through service. Even family and neighbors hang around like ghosts, repeating the same sentences, never sleeping. Through dialog and design, Hofmeier has created a virtual pit of misery that informs the player on the reality of poverty in America. This is what it feels like. When the same snot-nosed punk asks you for the fifteenth time if you really sell bagels for 40-cents (even though the sign says exactly that), I began to wonder if Hofmeier's depiction of retail is an insensitive exaggeration or a parody. Even miserable work often leads to friendship and connection, but there are no friends or connections to be made in Cart Life. Occasionally, a fellow vendor will stop at the cart, but then take off, like two ships passing in the night. Even in monotonous work, one can find meaning and happiness in life. Cart Life depicts the misery and monotony of retail without ever giving the slightest hint of anything else. Hofmeier gives the player the freedom to trap themselves in the rat maze of low-income retail, but surrounds this with a world of distant figures for whom jobs don't exist and success has been tamed. While in shellshock from the burn of menial work and poverty, only the character and short term problems seem to exist. The figurative and literal connections Hofmeier makes between physical input and character action are profound and immediate, creating emotions that bleed into reality and beg for contemplation. Eventually, the worker must look past their own problems and become a part of society. In Cart Life, there is no world to connect to. After personal discoveries are made through the game's mechanics -- which are unfortunately paired with a multitude of game crashes -- the player is left to repeat a virtual life of monotony and zero-sum progress. The most reasonable action is to do the thing that real life cart vendors can't: Turn your back on the job and go do something else. Cart Life is short love with a long term divorce. The beginning speaks to the heart and intellect, but the rest recalls pain and boredom. It's worth experiencing, but go in knowing you may not be the right person for the job. |
| The future of Steam and more in Newell's Reflections talk Posted: 02 Feb 2013 05:30 AM PST We already covered one major breakout from Gabe Newell's talk at The Lyndon B. Johnson School of Public Affairs at the University of Texas at Austin, which was that the top earner made $500,000 in a single year through the sale of Team Fortress 2 items they had designed. Now that I've had time to watch through the hour-long video, here's another, describing the future of the company's digital distribution platform Steam. "Rather than having this curated store, we're going to say, 'Okay, if we're thinking about this correctly, it really should be sort of a network API," said Newell. "There should just be this publishing model -- and yes you have to worry about viruses, and malware, and stuff like that -- but essentially anybody should be able to publish anything through Steam. "Steam is just a whole bunch of servers and a whole bunch of network bandwidth, and if the people are interested in consuming the stuff that you're putting up there, then a collective good is going to be there. So rather than us sitting between creators and consumers, we're going to get as far out of that connection as possible." Continuing, he explained that "Right now, in Steam, the store is privileged content. A store is like a collection of editorial perspectives on stuff. And what it should be is user-generated content. That means other companies might create their own stores that are connected to the Steam backend, but anybody would be able to create a store. And there's some market-based mechanism for determining the price that a store gets to impose. But if you have a collection of games that you own and you play, and one of your friends decides to buy a game through your trivially created store, then you should get a percentage of that revenue." Fascinating stuff. For reference, Newell mentioned that someone like Ben "Yahtzee" Croshaw of Zero Punctuation would be a good fit for such a model. Of course, I wasn't going to listen to him talk at length without taking some notes. I've rounded up the quotes that I found to be either funny, interesting, or insightful. On Valve as a company "We grow about 50 percent a year and have since we started the company." "We generate more Internet traffic than most countries. I think we're the fourth largest bandwidth consumer in the world right now." "Titles in organizations keep people from properly encapsulating a problem at a point which allows them to be most productive." "Management is a skill, it's not a career path." "We have no QA department. We have no marketing department. We have one guy who calls himself the vice president of marketing because it confuses people if he doesn't tell them that when he's talking to them. But everybody at the company -- we assume that their job is to talk to customers." "We were willing to take what other companies would say were risks. So one of the first programmers at the company, his previous job was manager of a waffle house, and he was one of the most creative -- and still is -- one of the most creative programmers in the industry." "Now we just say everybody designs their own office space. So our largest single room right now has about 80 people in it." "If you're not making quantitative predictions, you're probably doing it wrong. Or you're probably not doing it as well as you can. You have to predict in advance -- everybody can explain anything after the fact -- and it has to be quantitative, or you're not being serious about how you're approaching the problem." "You have to be really aggressive about firing people [in a flat organizational structure]. We haven't done a really good job with interns or new hires. It's kind of a sink-or-swim thing." "There's something we somewhat unkindly call the beaten-wife syndrome where people come in from other industries and really struggle. The worst are people from the feature-film industry, where they've been sort of taught that any time they show initiative, that somebody's going to leap out and smite them for doing that. It usually takes about six to nine months for people to really internalize the model of the company." On designing single-player vs. multiplayer games "Spending a bunch of time to make ... the characters aware of where you were in [game] space, and that they're looking right correctly at that person -- it turns out that people suddenly say 'Oh these characters are nicer. These characters are more like me. These characters are smarter.'" "These rules that you've come up with [for single-player games] sort of don't work any more. So, an example would be, in Counter-Strike, we put the riot shield in, and our player numbers go up. We take the riot shield out and our player numbers go up." On Team Fortress 2 and game economies "To be really concrete, ten times as much content comes from the user base for TF2 as comes from us ... The only company we've ever met that kind of kicks our ass is our customers." "The most anybody has earned [from TF2] in a single year is $500,000, so they're making content, selling it to other customers, and we have a revenue share with those people and their takeaway is $500,000." "Even though currently it's a barter economy [in Team Fortress 2], we started having problems with liquidity ... all of a sudden you had sort of weird little mini financial crises irrupting in your TF2 hat exchange." "You can't just define productivity in terms of shit you give to a customer. If you're just raining hats onto your customers, eventually, you're probably going to suffer huge inflation." On player value "We actually think something like being a really good player is a super valuable thing for the community. And the challenge isn't that you've created value, the challenge is coming up with a monetization method for those people." "Anything that we do we're trying to figure out how to systematize and create a framework for our audience to participate. I do my job, but if i can figure out how to get Reddit to do my job, they'll do it a lot better." On hacking "One of the biggest mistakes game developers make is to mistake a genuinely entertaining action by a player as hacking. The example game developers tell each other is when Lord British was killed during his first speech in Ultima Online, they rolled the world back rather than recognizing that it was the coolest thing that had ever happened in Ultimate Online. And they should have let that instance turn into whatever an instance turned into they killed of Lord British." In conclusion "Right now, everybody thinks that we're all going to get the same product. Our children are going to say 'That is the weirdest thing I've ever heard of. Like, every one of my products are unique and different.' That transition means that the sets of lessons that we're learning today in the videogame space are probably going to be true of a much wider range of industries tomorrow." Gabe Newell: Reflections of a Video Game Maker [YouTube] |
| Storm's Adventure with Wii U and Nintendo Land Posted: 02 Feb 2013 05:00 AM PST Next in line for "Playing Catch Up to the Catch Up" is my Wii U premiere video. True be told, it isn't the really the premiere video, that honor belongs to this live stream (I brand them as "Live Boredom"). Click that to watch me use a high quality for a low quality broadcast. The theme for this video is fanboyism...straight fanboyism. Nintendo has a new console, and I liked it before playing. I fall all over tech demos and swear the graphics capabilities are true even though we have yet to see real game show it. As the disclaimer says, I'm talking out of my ass. Also, Sir Mix-a-Lot will endure. |
| Five Dark Souls bosses that made me want to punch a baby Posted: 02 Feb 2013 04:30 AM PST [In what may possibly be the funniest user blog I've ever had the pleasure of reading, Dtoid community member UsurpMyProse highlights his five "favorite" Dark Souls bosses. Want to see your own words appear on the front page? Go write something! --Mr Andy Dixon] I BEAT DARK SOULS! This is the kind of statement that needs to be shouted from the highest rooftop and/or mountain peak, but due to an aversion to heights and hiking, I've decided to go with their modern equivalent: the Internet! So here I am, arms outstretched in my best Rocky pose, sun streaming at my back, voice trembling with raw emotion as I shout through the beard I've grown for some reason: I BEAT DARK SOULS! That's right. I beat it. Full-on, Walter White-level "I won." I've rung the bells, gathered the Lord Souls, slayed Gwyn, Lord of Cinder and did... whatever it was I was supposed to do. I don't know. Burn, I guess? I'm sure that ending is chock full of subtext, but I was a little too busy getting rocked by all manner of dragons and weirdly sexy lava spiders to figure out what the point of it all was. So here I am, emerging from my long, harrowing journey a new (better?) man. Sure, I've got some scars. I wake up at night in a cold sweat, thinking I'm still back there in Blighttown, wondering if it's going to be the giant mosquitos that get me, the toxic water, or the framerate. I can't go near a treasure chest without thinking it's going to sprout legs and try to eat me, though I'm not sure that's something I have to worry about on a regular basis. But at least I can say I did it. At least I can look a man in the eyes and tell him I've been to Hell and back. Yeah, maybe NG+ is somewhere out there, lurking just out of sight, but I've still got stories. Stories that'll make your skin crawl. That'll make you want to call up your mother and tell you that you love her. I've got... *I do not in any way condone violence against children. In this case, the baby serves as a metaphor for a universal conduit of impotent frustration, and my fist serves as a metaphor for my fist. All the bosses on this list did, at some point, make me experience an incomprehensible level of rage, but the Gaping Dragon may just be one of my favorite bosses ever. While victory in Dark Souls is usually contingent on being the last man standing in a war between your head and a stubborn wall, the act of vanquishing the Gaping Dragon feels less like success through attrition and more like a white-knuckled blaze of glory. At first blush the massive vagina dentata appears too big to even scratch, and finding openings to attack usually involves a lot of sitting back and allowing your two Sun Bros to act as big, glowy diversions for the dragon's insatiable maw. But when you're standing knee-deep in acidic bile with your health perilously close to running out and you finally manage to nick the H.R. Giger nightmare to its final wheezing gasp for breath, the feeling of triumphant catharsis is unmatched. It's like the first time you slayed a dragon in Skyrim, only if you did it with your bare hands and in real life. The Capra Demon fight is all about a lack of personal space. He's that guy on the Greyhound bus you always get stuck next to, the one who can only regale you about his meth-fueled weekend in Newark while leaning in three inches from your face. The battle starts with a ten-foot cross between Pyramid Head and a Southwestern art project bearing down on you with his two hellhounds from the back of an alleyway smaller than a recently divorced dad's studio apartment. If you try to do anything but run up the nearby set of stairs like a teenage girl that's just been told they can't go out looking like that, you will get eviscerated. The process of dashing in, getting my clock cleaned, resurrecting at the nearby bonfire, and dashing in again felt like one of those never-ending Three Stooges acts. The ones where Curly keeps rolling up his sleeves only to repeatedly get jabbed in the eyes by Moe because he has too little self-esteem to stand up for himself. At least later on in the game I got to trounce a whole pack of these guys in a more open environment, but I couldn't escape the feeling the game was patronizingly pointing out my progress. It was like having Hidetaka Miyazaki over my shoulder cooing, "Hey, look who's not curled up into a fetal position and crying anymore! I'm so proud of you, champ!" Boss battles in Dark Souls are a lot like elaborate Punch-Out!! fights. They follow the basic gaming tenants of recognizable attack patterns that can be dodged and countered. Artorias the Abysswalker, meanwhile, is like one of those cheap pansexual nymphs you face at the end of Street Fighter games. The ones that spam the same super mega hyper combo until you're cowering in the corner waiting for the continue screen to pop back up. All of his attacks involve hurtling himself and his gigantic compensating sword directly at your face, leaving only a split-second window to stop, drop, and roll yourself to safety. Though, to be fair, when you figure out that his shadowy burst attack is actually a Super Saiyan power-up move that you can interrupt, the fight becomes manageable. But excuse me for not realizing I'm supposed to run toward him when he's about to jizz dark energy all over me. I beat Ornstein and Smough on only my second try, but my victory was marred by the stupidest thing I've ever done in a videogame. So gather around, children, and hear tell of how I lost 90,000 souls because of idiocy as profound as it was beautiful. It all started when I sought the last refuge of the damned by looking for help on a GameFAQ message board. Some benevolent Internet citizen recommended slinging dung pies at the ample target afforded by the merged Smough's fat ass and then just waiting things out, as if letting him succumb naturally to time and diabetes. Only I didn't realize the on-screen status bar I was filling every time I chucked a pie reflected my own blood toxicity levels until it was too late. Being all out of medicinal purple moss clumps, I was forced to finish the fight with a slowly draining health bar. I prevailed against all odds, but fearful for what unknowable danger laid ahead, I made a mad dash for the safety of the Anor Londo bonfire to staunch my wounds. But thinking I couldn't make it all the way back, I decided instead to go for the fire at the bottom of a rotating platform at the area's halfway point. I then proceeded to waste precious seconds forgetting which way I was supposed to turn the handle to drop the platform. By the time I finally got to the fire, it was too late -- I died only a few feet away from salvation. It was like the ending of Das Boot, only with far fewer sympathetic Nazis. But, hey, no big deal, right? All I had to do was go back and scoop up all those precious souls right where I dropped them without dying a second time. Except by lowering the platform, I had inadvertently undone the shortcut that allows you to circumvent a dangerous detour rife with opportunities for cheap deaths. So there I was, standing on the edge of an incomplete bridge, my path to redemption a few feet below me. And that's when it happened. That moment of rationalization that precedes every bad decision ever made. That hubristic mental lapse of thinking, "Y'know, I could totally make that jump." I totally did not make that jump. My body hit the platform with all the cat-like grace of a wheelbarrow full of hallowed cinder blocks. And as I sat there with the glow of the grayscale "YOU DIED!" screen washing over me like hot shame, I was overcome with the kind of despair reserved for bad break ups and news of The Big Bang Theory's continued success. But my humiliation was not yet complete. When I returned to where I originally fought Ornstein and Smough, I discovered that a bonfire had only been a short elevator ride away the entire time. If I had pressed on a little further instead of trying to go back, I would have reached sanctuary instead of wasting an hour of my life with nothing to show for the whole terrible ordeal. That's what Dark Souls does to you. It makes you seek solace in that which you know and fear that which you do not. It replaces rationality with paranoia. It changes a person, and what comes out on the other end is neither man nor beast, but a howling shade of humanity whose only recourse is to punch an infant right in the kisser. A lot of people say Ornstein and Smough are the toughest Dark Souls bosses. Those people are wrong. Ornstein and Smough are a less edgy Laurel and Hardy compared to the grueling test of sanity that is the Four Kings fight. Ornstein and Smough are a walk on a sunset-lit beach with your honey. Four Kings are a hundred miles of razor wire and broken glass. Set on fire. Backed by an infinite loop of Tom Waits reading the complete works of Thomas Pynchon. The rule of thumb in Dark Souls is to always try and fight enemies one on one. Even the weakest monsters can ruin your day if you let them swarm you. The game knows this, and yet it throws you into a boss battle with four One-Winged Angel wannabes at once anyway. It's the biggest slap in the face in the entire game. Even worse than a level comprised entirely of invisible walkways across a gaping crystalline ravine. Even worse than making summoning another human player as difficult as connecting to AOL circa 1994, and yet allowing enemy players to invade as easily as a politician uploads self-incriminating photos to Twitter. The key here is to kill a King before another one appears, but it's practically impossible to off them quickly without taking a significant chunk of damage. What results is a frantic juggling act of attacking, blocking, pounding Estus Flasks, and hoping to whatever is considered a god in this unholy universe that one of them doesn't start firing their stupid heat-seeking projectiles. I spent three hours trying to beat the Four Kings. Three. Hours. I could have watched Amour in that time and experienced a magnificent spectrum of grief and devastation, and I still would have had an hour left over to ruminate on the impossible power of love. But no, I spent it raging at a bunch of androgynous virtual spectres, which is the kind of wasted effort that would have even Buddha stomping around cold clocking toddlers. ---------- Now it's your turn, dear reader! Share with me your tales of despair. Which Dark Souls boss gave you fits? Let us commiserate, because only by giving voice to the horrors we endured can we begin to move forward. |
| Performing live necromastication for your enjoyment Posted: 02 Feb 2013 04:00 AM PST On today's Saturday Morning Hangover, I'm calling Jordan out on the recently released Skulls of the Shogun. I have every intention of devouring his army whole and you can watch it happen while hanging out with us and the gang in our chat room. And, as ever, we'll be taking a look at the week's Xbox Live Indie Games and checking out the latest additions to the Dafoeverse. It all starts at 10am PST / 1pm EST on Dtoid TV! Come join us!
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| Preview: The first 30 minutes of God of War: Ascension Posted: 02 Feb 2013 03:48 AM PST We've been seeing bits of pieces of upcoming PS3 game God of War: Ascension since last year, but we've really only seen it's multiplayer side. That changed this week when director Todd Pappy and his team unveiled the game's single player side at a press event in Los Angeles. And instead of some controlled, limited demo, they just plopped down the first 30 minutes of the game in front of us, letting us play it as if we just popped in the disc. And instead of forcing me to recap the whole thing for you, they've given us video of exactly what I played. In the video above you aren't seeing my play through, but you are seeing pretty close to what I experienced. You'll see for yourself how good it is.
God of War: Ascension (PS3) Kratos' roots are unveiled in Ascension. While he's still easily classified as a badass, he's perhaps a bit less hardened in this prequel story. He certainly doesn't look like much of a badass in the game's opening. After being tortured endlessly by the Fury, the game opens with our hero bound to a platform, with both arms and legs chained. The hideous Fury Queen comes to beat Kratos while he's down, but a poorly aimed attack from one of her gross, sharp appendages creates an opportunity for his escape. The action slowly ramps up from basic control training to a full-on chase, with the Fury Queen throwing every trick she has at you -- level traps, waves of nasty bugs, bugs possessing humans to turn them into beasts, and eventually bugs diving into and possessing the body of a frozen, stories tall ancient brute that I think called Aegean the Hecatonchires. If I'm right, all credit goes to Google's amazing ability to take misspelled text and turn it into something usable. As you'll see in the play through video, the fight slowly scales in scope, from ground level brawls, to in the sky and off the side of cliffs, to later in a moving chunk of ground and building in the sky, held by the reanimated of the previously mentioned ancient monster. And then, as always, huge, crazy bosses. They've done some really great work with scale and scope to keep the wows coming. I found myself wow-ing aloud constantly while playing through what you're seeing. Fighting in the boxed off, floating prison you'll see in the middle of the play-through was a bit unnerving, from both a fear of heights standpoint and from the tight, constantly moving play space where waves of enemies continued to appear. This is where the opening jumped from 'nice' to 'yessssss' for me. The tension level also turned up quite a bit starting from this point, gradually increasing up to the hands-y final boss battle (you'll see what I mean). I found myself digging into the game's new World Weapon System from here on out, which has Kratos using new gear like swords and spears alongside his usual blades. The sword I picked up earlier in the stage was great for close-quarters attacks, and I liked playing with the unique finishers that the sword added to Kratos' arsenal. I'll admit that I show a bit less finesse in attacks and combo-ing as the grand finale neared (frantic button mash city!), but there was never a time where I didn't feel like a killing machine. They've absolutely nailed that feeling. You'll see for yourself how satisfyingly nuts things become in the opening's final battle, so I won't get into it too much. The only thing this video won't give you is color on how Ascension feels. My first takeaway is that it's smoother than ever before, and that Kratos has never moved so well. It might be hard to put a finger on what exactly was overhauled for this outing from watching a gameplay, but you definitely feel it when playing. His new moves also feel nice. If you want a break from slinging chains, new weapons like the previously mentioned sword feel faster and more responsive. Mixing up the action between the two adds a new dimension to God of War combat that I'm looking forward to exploring more. Oh, and Kratos can slide down walls now. This feels and looks fantastic. One of the game's staff had to cut me off after this boss battle, as this was not some finite demo. It could have kept going as someone from Sony told me that we were playing a final build. Damn that guy! But that's how well Sony Santa Monica has done with God of War: Ascension's single-player -- I wanted to keep going. Get ready, as this is going to be really good. Even from my limited half-hour taste, I can't see God of War fans being any less than absolutely thrilled with Ascension.
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| Celebrate Valentine's Day with the I <3 Controllers shirt Posted: 02 Feb 2013 03:00 AM PST I <3 Controllers is a fusion of videogame controllers that have come together to form one big heart. The design was created by Drea "Pinksage" Avellán, and up till now we've offered the design in black, green, blue and purple colors. Well seeing as how Valentine's Day is right around the corner, we've gone ahead and released a limited edition pink color of the I <3 Controllers design! The pink edition will only be around for a limited time, so you better act fast if you want to nab it! As always, each shirt goes for $19.95, and you'll receive free shipping worldwide when you spend over $60 on anything in our store! |
| Meet Pokemon X/Y's new bug and bird Pokemon Posted: 02 Feb 2013 02:30 AM PST [Update: Word has it that these designs may be fake. We'll be asking Nintendo for comment on Monday.] We have a policy against posting most magazine scans here at Destructoid, which can make it tough for us to deliver the hottest Pokemon news to your eager little hands. But fear not, dear reader. The industrious minds at our lovely dot com always find a way. Above you'll see an artist's sprite based rendition of the two newest Pokemon X/Y reveals. Yamutsu (rough translation) is a bug type Pokemon, 0.3m tall, weighs 2.0kg. The bird type is Bitoyui (rough translation), 0.42m tall, weighs 2.8kg. Adorable! As you can see, these designs look pretty good in sprite form, even when thrown together by a industrious fan (me). Makes me even more sad to see Pokemon X/Y go the way of the polygon. Pokemon was one of the last big name in gaming to continue to use beautiful, low-res sprite-based graphics. The series never lacked for sales either, despite sticking with an "old school" look. Seems like a step backwards to see the latest entry in the series go for a look that resembles a first gen PS2 game, trying to "show off" with "futuristic" CGI models that just don't work as well to capture the spirit of Ken Sugimori's 2D concept art. Thankfully, the fans will always be there to do what Nintendidn't. I wouldn't be surprised to see a fully 2D fan-made remake of Pokemon X/Y down the line. With the two sprites above, they already have a head start. |
| Senran Kagura has giant fluffy pancakes Posted: 02 Feb 2013 02:00 AM PST
Senran Kagura Shinovi Versus has a new trailer and it's absolutely brilliant. Aside from the typical risqué imagery that the series is known for, the video features a girl who fries up a stack of flapjacks and uses them to physically crush another young lady with the tower of syrupy goodness. It's just so awesomely bizarre. The PlayStation Vita title is coming to Japan later this month and I sincerely hope at least one of the games in the titillating action series receives a Western release someday. I want to experience this kind of weirdness firsthand. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a strange desire to cook up a hot breakfast. |
| Capcom: Resident Evil: Revelations was a success Posted: 02 Feb 2013 01:00 AM PST Capcom's Masachika Kawata recently spoke with Eurogamer regarding the possibility of a reboot for the 17-year old Resident Evil franchise. The discussion also touched on the ever so excellent Resident Evil: Revelations, which the producer referred to as a "signpost" for the series moving forward. "It was definitely a success and we're certainly hoping we can repeat that success with the home console version," he said of the 3DS game. However, it seems like the publisher had loftier expectations for the title. Kawata infers that the 3DS' lackluster launch might have had a negative impact on the game's sales. Revelations has the potential to have a long tail though. Nintendo's handheld has become a huge success and the upcoming HD re-release is sure to drum up some renewed interest in the 3DS original. With any luck Revelations' accomplishments will drive Capcom to veer the series back toward what made the series enjoyable in the first place. Capcom: "there is a possibility" of Resident Evil series reboot [Eurogamer] |
| Giant bugs from space return in Earth Defense Force 2025 Posted: 02 Feb 2013 12:00 AM PST
Just when you thought you were safe from the terrifying ravagers they've have inexplicably returned in Earth Defense Force 2025. Appealing to your baser instincts this game is, once again, all about killing robots and giant bugs from outer space. And you know what? I wouldn't have it any other way. EDF 2025 is invading the PlayStation 3 and Xbox 360 later this year. Until then you can do your part in supporting the war effort by watching this trailer. Remember, service guarantees citizenship! |
| Skullgirls' first DLC character is called Squigly Posted: 01 Feb 2013 11:00 PM PST While I'm happy to see Super Smash Bros. Melee finally appear in a major tournament, it does suck for some of the other games I was routing for. Specifically, Skullgirls. I met MikeZ, the developer of Skullgirls, a couple of years back and this dude is one of the most passionate fighting game guys around. Well, in an attempt at winning the vote to become the eighth EVO game, MikeZ revealed Skullgirls' first downloadable character, Squigly. Squigly is a rival for Filia, and is described as cute, and has a kung fu fighting style with multiple stances. She'll be available soon, but until then you can see Squigly in action below starting at the 3:18:00 mark. Skullgirls’ First DLC Character Squigly Revealed, More Details Coming Soon [Shoryuken] |
| Mega64 revisits a classic with BurgerTime Posted: 01 Feb 2013 10:00 PM PST Mega64 has been putting out videogame parodies long before YouTube was even a thing. One of their earlier works from Mega64: Version 1 featured a BurgerTime parody, which happens to be one of my favorites skits from them. It's really cool seeing what their videos were like in 2005, as it just shows you how far the guys have come with making dumb Internet videos. The commentary on the DVD for this spoof is also pretty funny, as you get the backstory on how some random dude started talking to Shawn while he was trying to film (you can hear it in this video in fact), and how the guy waiting for his order next to Rocco prevented the restaurant from calling the cops on the guys. |
| Skylanders event being held in New York next week Posted: 01 Feb 2013 09:00 PM PST If you find yourself in New York City on February 5, you can join in on a community event for Skylanders Giants, held at the Times Square Toys"R"Us. Basically, you'll have a chance to get a free Ninjini figure before launch, and nab a Starter Pack for $25, as well as take advantage of a buy two get one free sale. While the first two perks only sound reasonable for the biggest of fans, eBay sellers will probably be really interested in that last bit. Evidently there's meet and greets too for kids. An Activision promotion and lots of kids packed into the same place -- sounds like a great day to head to Times Square, right?
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| Here's how to turn you 3DS into a Pokedex Posted: 01 Feb 2013 08:00 PM PST Who out there is unlike me and doesn't still have their original Pokedex from back in the day? Well, if you have a 3DS and/or 3DS XL you can turn that boring device into a freaking Pokedex! Etsy shop GameThemedThings has a decal set available for $15 that does just that. And, as you can see, it looks cool as hell. With this and the Pokedex 3D Pro, what more could you possibly ever need for your travels? I'm just appalled that Nintendo themselves haven't done this. Especially considering the red 3DS XL, it's just too perfect. Be honest, you would totally buy an official Pokedex-themed 3DS, right? Just think of all the money this thing would potentially print, Nintendo. I mean, no one wants that Fire Emblem 3DS. Okay, maybe someone does, but come on. Everyone really wants a Pokemon 3DS instead. Pokedex decal kit for red 3DS & 3DS XL [Etsy, via GoNintendo] |
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