New Games

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• Ace Combat Assault Horizon gets Tekken skins, no idols
• Real-life, speaking Cave Johnson portraits from ThinkGeek
• The DTOID Show: Trailblazing In Saints Row The Third
• Dark Souls trailer advises you to 'prepare to die'
• The DTOID Show: Tank Mayhem In Saints Row The Third
• Dance Central 2, now with more Facebook
• DTOID Show Extra: Alan Wake 2, Skyrim's Cows, & Zelda 3DS
• Take-Two announces further delays to XCOM, Spec Ops
• Preview: Furmins
• Nano Assault out on 3DS November 29, have some screens
• Peripherals: Many tentacles pimpin' on the keys
• You should be paying attention to Rayman Origins
• The world of Skyrim: It all looks rather splendid
• Join us for our Saints Row: The Third livestream!
• Indigo Prophecy becomes a good old game
• Live show: Mash Tactics goes to the Edge of Time
• Rockstar unveil new L.A. Noire launch trailer
• Talking to Women about Videogames: The ESRB has failed
• PoleRiders is a game that involves riding poles

Ace Combat Assault Horizon gets Tekken skins, no idols Posted: 08 Nov 2011 03:00 PM PST Fans of unrealistic jet fighter combat and fun cross-franchise promotion are in luck, because Namco Bandai have announced their latest pack of download content for Call of Duty: Modern Air War Ace Combat Assault Horizon. This time it comes in the form of a pair of Tekken-themed skins. Come November 15th, you too can pay too much money ($4.99) to make your jet fighter look like Jin Kazama or Kazuya Mishima. I'm all for ridiculous cross-promotions, but what I want to see next are Idolm@ster-themed skins. Namco Bandai did that for Ace Combat 6, selling sweet paint jobs based on the many idols of 765 Productions (sample pictures in the gallery). Many players considered the planes game-breakers, as they came with stats designed to reflect each idol's personality. The Su-47 Berkut -Miki EX-, for one, had a level of maneuverability that defied physics.  That's a jet fighter I'd pay too much money for.

Real-life, speaking Cave Johnson portraits from ThinkGeek Posted: 08 Nov 2011 02:30 PM PST ThinkGeek, the fine merchant of fairly affordable Internet treasures, is preparing a new item which will be of interest to Portal 2 fans. It's a portrait of Aperture Science's Cave Johnson that spouts off thirteen quotes from the game. For real. Before you ask, yep, the passionate "lemon" diatribe is among the recordings, and if you eventually need a break from the verbal abuse, the sound can be disabled. These things are estimated to be available on December 17 at a price of $39.99 a piece. Take my money. Oh My @#$% ThinkGeek's Making a Talking Cave Johnson Portrait [Topless Robot]

The DTOID Show: Trailblazing In Saints Row The Third Posted: 08 Nov 2011 02:30 PM PST Excuse me, kind sirs and/or madams, I heard you were interested in electronical games of the most audio-visual variety. May I introduce you to Saints Row The Third, a game in which you must drive around on a flaming ATV injuring pedestrians. Also: in cyberspace.

Dark Souls trailer advises you to 'prepare to die' Posted: 08 Nov 2011 02:00 PM PST I have to say, just thinking about playing Dark Souls terrifies me. As someone who gets easily frustrated while playing videogames, the idea of Dark Souls' punishing gameplay seems like a recipe for an ulcer. However this new trailer makes the game look pretty enticing. It's not the first Dark Souls media I've seen, but man do those boss battles look impressive; that dragon is freaking huge! A giant wolf with a glowing sword in it's mouth? Crazy! As death-phobic as I am in videogames, I am really tempted to get Dark Souls so I can take on some of these crazy enemies. There's some footage of some of the different classes and why did no one tell me there was the option to play as skull-faced, black clad Wolverine? Okay, as soon as I get some cash (and once I've played Skyrim), then Dark Souls is next on the list. Once I come round from hiding behind the couch, okay?

The DTOID Show: Tank Mayhem In Saints Row The Third Posted: 08 Nov 2011 01:45 PM PST Hello again! The Destructoid Show is currently burning the midnight oil, on account of all the big releases this week. By "burning the midnight oil," I mean "staying up late and playing video games." Saints Row The Third comes out a week from today, and the folks at THQ were nice enough to let us put up some ridiculous gameplay, even though full reviews are embargoed until Friday. More of these to come. Hey, speaking of Saints Row, Mash Tactics will be livestreaming the game tomorrow night. There'll be prizes, Jon Carnage, me, Hamza, and probably a big floppy dildo. Oh, no. I've said too much already.

Dance Central 2, now with more Facebook Posted: 08 Nov 2011 01:30 PM PST Dance Central 2, which released earlier this year, is following the footsteps of other games and adding Facebook integration. The app, available through Xbox's Facebook page, will allow you to track your scores, check leaderboard rankings and compare your stats to friends.  I'm not terribly competitive, so this isn't something that I get really excited about. Whenever I am given the chance to display trophies or achievements on my Facebook or Twitter page I always say no. For those of you who enjoy that competitive atmosphere however, you now have something extra you can do with Dance Central 2.  There is also a new video from Harmonix that looks at Crew Challenge, the single player campaign mode. I know the game is already out, but if you were curious about how it works, give the video a look.

DTOID Show Extra: Alan Wake 2, Skyrim's Cows, & Zelda 3DS Posted: 08 Nov 2011 01:15 PM PST Hey guys! Keeping with our new experimental fragmentary format for The Destructoid Show, I got to work from home today. Which is to say that I am now a dirty, sexy webcam girl. Er. Boy. News today: BioWare released a screenshot for their newest mystery-game, and we've also got a screenshot from Alan Wake: Night Springs. Modern Warfare 3 came out last night, and some people like it, and others hate it. What's there to talk about? Skyrim's got another trailer, and a dev-diary podcast about cows. Or something. Finally, Nintendo's releasing a hella sexy lil' 3DS to celebrate The Legend Of Zelda's 25th anniversary.

Take-Two announces further delays to XCOM, Spec Ops Posted: 08 Nov 2011 01:00 PM PST Publisher Take-Two Interactive has announced that the forthcoming XCOM will be delayed into "fiscal year 2013" along with first-person shooter Spec Ops: The Line. This follows a positive financial report for the second quarter of 2011, but Take-Two will still announce losses for fiscal 2012 compared to 2011. Take-Two has some big-name titles coming out in the next six months: BioShock Infinite, The Darkness II, and Max Payne 3. "Fiscal 2013" is between April 2012 and March 2013, so we could see XCOM before the summer, but I'd worry that Take-Two would move it later to avoid BioShock Infinite and maybe Grand Theft Auto V. Spec Ops: The Line is penciled in for the "first half fiscal 2013." I'm still really keen to play XCOM: the game has had a quiet development but they had a novel presence at PAX and there's finally been some behind-the-scenes development info. That being said, some extra months would probably be welcome by developer 2K.  Take-Two Beats Q2 Expectations, But Posts Losses [Gamasutra]

Preview: Furmins Posted: 08 Nov 2011 12:30 PM PST Housemarque has been in the business for over sixteen years, but it wasn't until Super Stardust HD (back in 2007) that the Finnish developers went on to make a name for themselves. Since then they've racked up quite an impressive number of critically acclaimed hits with the apocalyptic shooter Dead Nation and one of my favorite Metroidvania-style adventures, the visually stunning Outland.  So with all this newfound pedigree, the team behind so many great downloadable titles has set out to self-publish its first title, Furmins, an action-puzzle game for iOS-enabled devices. Furmins (iPhone, iPad [Previewed]) Developer: Housemarque Publisher: Housemarque Release: TBD Upon initial glance, two things immediately caught my attention about Furmins. First, it contains the same artistic beauty that I have come to expect from Housemarque's games. The backgrounds all have a hand-painted look to them that really pops on an iPad screen. While they may be gorgeous to look at, it's the subtle effects within each background that adds to the immersion. Leaves blow gently in the backgrounds of the forest stages and the creeping mist in some of the later stages really invites an almost magical presence to the world. But then again this is a Housmarque game and if it's one thing they excel in, it's art design. The second thing that came to my mind when playing Furmins was how much it reminded me of Angry Birds. Now depending on how you look at it that's not necessarily a bad thing, and something the guys at Housemarque don't seem to mind either. They're both puzzle games, they both make physics fun, and they both share some sort of enigmatic bird-like creature in their character design. But I'd be doing Furmins serious harm to call it an Angry Birds clone. In fact it has more in common with the phenomenal Portal series than it does with that bird-launching game. Like the Portal series, the idea behind Furmins is to build the most logical path to the goal. The objective for each stage is to direct the ever-so-cute (just look at their faces in the accompanying screens) Furmins from one end to a glowing basket somewhere in the level. The catch is, you don't have direct control over these mystic little furballs and instead have to use any available items and -- depending on the level -- some well-timed taps to succeed.  Each stage I played presented its own unique puzzle to solve. They start off simple, where a few well adjusted planks (that bounce the Furmins through the air) well get you the result needed, but later really test your thinking prowess when elements like momentum and time delay come into play. While most of the early stages can be quickly solved, every stage contains bonus stars to collect -- all in one run -- for those looking for more complicated solutions. It get really tricky, when you're using pendulums for momentum, ice blocks to delay speed, and have to tap the screen to change the direction of moving conveyor belts in an attempt to earn a perfect three-star rating. Thankfully, there is a quick restart (for OCD types) which allows you to quickly tinker with a setup until perfect. Furmins may not have been what I expected Housemarque to whip up next, but it (yet again) conveyed to me that they really know how to make fun, engaging experiences. Don't let the cutesy design throw you off though, while it may look like a game for your mom -- especially with the music being done by the mind behind Bejewled's seductive melodies -- Furmins' perplexing puzzles should keep those with a thirst for brainteasers quenched for quite some time.

Nano Assault out on 3DS November 29, have some screens Posted: 08 Nov 2011 12:00 PM PST If you're a 3DS owner starving for some new games Nano Assault could be the cure. The upcoming three-dimensional shooter follows a microscopic ship on a journey through the human body to eradicate infections and kill off deadly viruses. I had some brief hands-on time with the game at E3 and found it to be genuinely enjoyable -- if five minutes in a crowded room is anything to go by. Unfortunately, just like every other game, Nano Assault is launching later this month and I'm not sure if it will get much pick up in such a crowded holiday release window. Hopefully its Super Stardust HD-like gameplay, pretty visuals, and unique setting will net it some fans when it launches on November 29th for $29.99.

Peripherals: Many tentacles pimpin' on the keys Posted: 08 Nov 2011 11:30 AM PST [Last week I wanted you to tell me about the awesome and/or asinine peripherals you've come across in your time as a gamer. nekobun has noticed a trend across all platforms and console generations, and writes about the keyboard add-ons that seemed to exist for almost every platform. Want to see your own blog on the front page? Write a blog on the current topic: Acquisition. -- JRo] I'm not sure if it was an early symptom of the writer's bug or just a fascination with adding more buttons to things, but for the longest time, I've been fascinated by the seeming inevitability that, if a gaming system comes out, someone is going to find a way to slap a QWERTY keyboard on it. More recent times have seen a rise in software or firmware based text input, and most of your modern consoles can handle text input via USB keyboard, but it's the more unique hardware solutions for which I'm a sucker. It all started, for me, back in the days of the original, brick-style Game Boy. A spread in issue 36 of Nintendo Power (Darkwing Duck cover feature, if you want to search your archives) covered a handful of productivity-oriented GB cartridges that were forthcoming; the InfoGenius series from GameTek, and FabTek's (not related, by blood or by marriage) WorkBoy, which threw a tiny keyboard and a stand to prop up the system into the mix. WorkBoy featured many of the features that would later pop up in true PDAs, and still come with most smartphones, such as currency conversion, bank account tracking and balancing, calendar reference, and an address book. Reports vary as to how released or unreleased it was, but despite keeping my eye out for it in every Toys R Us, Kiddie City, or other purveyor of fine Nintendo goods I found myself in as a child, I never got my hands on a WorkBoy. Not like my mother would've bought it for me, anyway. It wasn't until the Dreamcast that I'd find another console keyboard to obsess over and use for all of one game. The Dreamcast Keyboard itself was nothing particularly fancy or tailored to complement the Dreamcast's design motif, but it did allow Typing Of The Dead to happen. Easily the most ridiculous first-person, on-rails zombie slaying experience ever (save for Rock Of The Dead, but we don't talk about that horrorshow), TotD took a couple of the guys from the House Of The Dead series, strapped Dreamcasts to their backs with keyboards attached, and set you loose in a house full of nightmares to clear out, like some hell-raising Mavis Beacon. Standard grunts would take one or two words to kill, while bosses often took longer sentences that were loosely strung together, almost like a story. Proof once again that, a console generation ago, adding zombies could still make anything better. Not overly long after the Dreamcast (especially for me, since I waited until its demise to get one on the cheap), both the Gamecube and PlayStation 2 saw keyboard-compatible games spring up, in the forms of Phantasy Star Online: Episode I & II and Monster Hunter (at least, I think that's what I got it for), and a couple of accessory companies rose to the occasion. While I never got far enough into the original Monster Hunter to make much use of it, I scored a Logitech PS2 NetPlay controller for dirt cheap, and still use the USB keyboard part (which detaches from the main controller body) on my PS3, thanks to its ridiculously long cord. ASCII's Gamecube keyboard/controller fusion, on the other hand, got plenty of use, even though I didn't end up importing one until halfway through the lifespan of Episode I & II plus. In a game dominated by halting or racist quickchat macros, and imagechats sporting clumsily kludged-together Nazi symbolism, it was nice to have a way to communicate on the fly in a somewhat coherent manner. That, and you could use it in English or Japanese characters, which came in handy sometimes with players from both sides of the Pacific sharing some servers. I was fairly disappointed that the keyboard part wasn't compatible with Animal Crossing, given my mindless devotion to that game requiring many a letter to be sent, but the controller bits are still controller bits in any game, so it's a crowd-pleaser to still bust out for Mario Kart and Smash Bros. on the Wii. The current generation's frontrunners brought a welcome step forward in controller/keyboard integration, with the 360's Chatpad and PS3's Keypad add-ons. The rise of slide phones seems to have made the idea of a more compact keyboard more appealing, which kept both of these accessories from being ridiculously cumbersome and made them compatible with the existing controllers, which is a nice change from game keyboards past. While I've not had a chance to spend time with the PS3 keypad, and it frankly looks a bit off-putting, given its above-everything placement, the 360 Chatpad is a godsend. I've actually managed to become faster at typing with my thumbs than I am sending enough voice messages to get the same message across, and its form factor and placement stay well out of the way of anywhere that might interfere with gameplay. If the PS3 one is just as easy to use upon getting used to it, I may even ease back on my criticisms of the whole online pass system's inconvenience. As touchscreens and voice recognition (a la Kinect) become more and more prevalent and cost-effective, I worry that full-fledged (or even half-fledged) keyboards for consoles may become irrelevant, but even if they do get segued to a software-based, touch keypads, I hope developers continue finding ways to use them as more than just code, message, and username/password entry systems.

You should be paying attention to Rayman Origins Posted: 08 Nov 2011 11:00 AM PST Rayman Origins is out next week. Sadly, yet understandably, there isn't a noticeable buzz surrounding the title -- certainly not at the level of productivity-enders Modern Warfare 3 and Skyrim. It is a full-priced 2D platformer, which rubs some people the wrong way. However, and I can't stress this enough, I'm not going to be surprised if Rayman Origins ends up being my favorite game of 2011, based on what I've played of it so far. Fan of classic Rayman or not, you owe it to yourself to try the demo. It's pretty much happiness incarnate. Conrad will have the review up before the game hits store shelves. It's not too late to get this one on your radar.

The world of Skyrim: It all looks rather splendid Posted: 08 Nov 2011 10:30 AM PST As if to mock us mere mortals who have yet to play The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim, Bethesda have thrown another video our way. There's not much action, but there is a lot of scene setting. It goes a long way to show how much more diverse Skyrim is when compared to Cyrodiil in Oblivion. It all looks so wonderful that I almost didn't notice that we didn't get to see a massive dragon barbequing some poor clueless sod. I'll have to wait for over a week before I have time to play it. So thanks Bethesda, you've just made a grown man weep. But just a little. For the rest of you it drops in a couple of days, but who didn't know that already?

Join us for our Saints Row: The Third livestream! Posted: 08 Nov 2011 10:15 AM PST Tomorrow from 3PM to 7PM Pacific, our live show Mash Tactics over on Destructoid's Twitch TV channel will be bringing you an exclusive livestream of Saints Row: The Third. Jon Carnage, Max Scoville and I will be playing through parts of the campaign, Whored Mode and performing all sorts of chaos in order to appease our lord Professor Genki ahead of the November 15 release for the Xbox 360, PlayStation 3 and PC. That's not all! We're going to have some special guests from Volition to talk about all things Saints Row: The Third. Plus, go check out our Saints Row: The Third ASTRO A40 giveaway where we're giving away some special branded ASTRO headsets and cool Saints Row swag just for creating a character in the Initiation Station. Watch this space for the livestream embed starting at 3PM on November 9!

Indigo Prophecy becomes a good old game Posted: 08 Nov 2011 10:00 AM PST Good Old Games have added another classic to their ever expanding library of DRM free older titles. The latest addition is the uncut version of Indigo Prophecy (or Fahrenheit as it's known over here in Blighty,) one of David Cage's earlier attempts to create a cinematic adventure, before Heavy Rain. Much like Cage's most recent adventure, players control multiple protagonists who are frequently working against each other. In one scene you might be hiding from the cops, a hunted suspected murderer, but in the next you play the very cops hunting him. It was an intense experience, unfortunately marred by a plot that descended into lunacy and some horrible quick time events. At $5.99 it's still well worth your time, though.

Live show: Mash Tactics goes to the Edge of Time Posted: 08 Nov 2011 09:30 AM PST Today, Mash Tactics is web-slinging into Spider-Man: Edge of Time. This is the newest addition to a long line of Spider-Man licensed games. Jon Carnage is a true fan of friendly neighborhood web-head. Tune in to see how he takes to this latest attempt to put the player in Spidey's tights. Mash Tactics airs Monday through Friday at 4pm Pacific. Watch Jon Carnage and Wesley Ruscher let loose with off-the-wall humor and discuss the issues of the day in the live chat on Destructoid's Twitch TV channel. Also, there are videogames being played. Join us for your chance to win prizes, talk to industry guests, and witness all of the glorious antics.

Rockstar unveil new L.A. Noire launch trailer Posted: 08 Nov 2011 08:30 AM PST Of course most people are only thinking about Modern Warfare 3 today but there's some other releases of note. PC gamers get their hands on L.A. Noire today in a "Complete edition" that includes all the DLC released for the game. I'm glad L.A. Noire has arrived on PC even after a wait of over 6 months; after Red Dead Redemption's non-appearance I was worried Rockstar were abandoning the PC as a platform. Looking back, I think I would have rather played L.A. Noire with all the DLC available, making it one complete experience. The DLC was still fun, I just think it would have maybe been more enjoyable as part of the main game's story. Any console gamers still on the fence will have their chance to snag the L.A Noire Complete Edition when it's released on PS3 and 360 later this month.

Talking to Women about Videogames: The ESRB has failed Posted: 08 Nov 2011 08:00 AM PST [Talking to Women about Videogames is a series where Jonathan Holmes talks to different people who are women about the biggest videogame news of the week for some reason.] Grand Theft Auto III was originally released in 2001, starting the reign as one of the most popular videogame series today. Fast forward to today, and we have millions of 20-25 year olds who have grown up playing the games, yet we are not in the midst of a social apocalypse. We have a generation of children brought up on a game where the name itself is a crime, a game where hiring then murdering prostitutes is made to be "fun," yet the world is still standing. Actually, these GTA fans seem like pretty well-adjusted people overall, as evidenced by the steady drop in the crime rate throughout the country since 1995. There are also millions of "underage" kids today that absolutely love the Call of Duty series, despite its M rating. In fact, going by the reaction to the last TtWaV teaser, there are quite a few people out there under the age of 18 who would be more interested in playing the next Zelda game if it was rated M. These are just a few of the reasons why I think it's clear that the ESRB has failed. The ESRB has two jobs: to determine what games are appropriate for what age groups and to deter people from the "wrong" age groups from playing the "wrong" games. It hasn't succeeded at any of that. The E, T, M, AO system does not properly divide games into what groups should be playing them, it does not properly describe the content in the games it classifies, and it also encourages players of the "inappropriate" groups to be attracted to the games they aren't supposed to play (for obvious reasons). It's not all the ESRB's fault, though. Society as a whole has the wrong idea about what is bad for kids to experience. When it comes to children, people's fear of harming the child or potentially shaping them into a "bad" person often blinds them from common sense. Take people's fear of swearing, for instance. Hearing people swear won't hurt kids or make them more inclined to repeat the swears they hear. If that were the case, then every kid on the planet would be swearing constantly, as there is literally no escape from swear words in today's world. Kids can hear all the swears they want and oftentimes do. What's important is how the children are taught to understand the meaning of those words, and if and when it's OK to use them. Same goes for the nudity and violence that they see in movies and videogames. As long as the child is prevented from experiencing something that will disturb or traumatize them, all that's left is to help them to learn not to repeat the dangerous or harmful things that they've seen. In general, I would say that it's the minor violent actions that are physically and morally easy for children to repeat that are the most dangerous for children to witness. The fantastic, ultra-violent stuff is almost always presented with serious consequences within the given context of the event. While that stuff may be overstimulating to a kid, or even disturbing, it's not likely to teach him or her to be "bad," not in the way that more minor, seemingly "harmless" violence can. Here's a story from experience to drive home that point. When I was a kid (probably between five and seven), I got really angry at my mother, but I can't remember why. It was probably something about Care Bears. Regardless, I was really upset, but not in a tantrum way. This time, I wanted to express my anger in a more "real" way, but I couldn't think of a way that would show her the depths of my anger while remaining relatively harmless. Enter Tom and Jerry. There is one episode of this extremely violent cat and mouse kids' show where Tom (the cat) pretends to prepare a place at the table for his owner as part of his evil plan. He politely pulls the chair out for her, only to yank it from beneath her right as she's about to sit down. Since this is a "kids' show," Tom's owner wasn't seriously hurt. We wouldn't want to make the kids feel bad, now would we? Instead, his owner just hops right back to her feet and chases Tom around with a room with a broomstick, leading Tom to jump into a vase to hide, transform into a carpet under his master's feet, or something else whimsical and exciting. That was perfect. That was exactly what I was going for. From there, I set a plan in motion to repeat the "prank" that I learned from Tom. I made my mom some toast, set her a place at the table, politely pulled the chair out for her, and yanked it away at the last minute. Much to my horror, a fun and lighthearted chase scene between my mother and myself did not follow. Instead, my Mom and I were both in tears. She was crying in emotional and physical pain, while I was crying in guilt, shame, and empathetic sadness from my betrayed parent. If she had come down any harder, she could have ended up in the hospital. I think we both remember that as one of the all-time low points in our relationship. Now, keep in mind that by this age, I'd seen plenty of action, horror, and sexy movies. I'd watched Stripes, Invasion of the Body Snatchers, Porky's, and endless reels of gangster movies and episodes of the Twilight Zone. I'd also played all of the most violent videogames on the market (except Chiller). None of them did the same damage to me that Tom and Jerry did, because in Tom and Jerry, there were no serious consequences for the characters' actions. In other media, I saw that sex and violence were possible but emotionally trying experiences that were definitely a bad idea for a kid like me to try to repeat. That wasn't the case with Tom and Jerry. There was absolutely nothing in the show there to teach me that I should not repeat the behaviors I witnessed. In my personal experience, I've heard of the same kinds of things happening with modern videogames. I've heard of children jumping on turtles and kicking them down the street, expecting them to innocuously retreat into their shells like they do in the Mario games, only to find them crushed into a bloody pulp under foot. I've heard of kids making disgusting food and getting extremely sick to their stomachs because of what they learned from Cooking Mama or even starting fires due to their young culinary ambitions. I have never heard of a kid stealing a car or beating up a prostitute because they saw it in Grand Theft Auto. I have never heard of a child becoming sexually active purely after experiencing the world of romantic failings and foibles through the lenses of Catherine and We Dare. In fact, when it comes to corrupting our children, I think that videogames are probably the least of our problems. It's stuff that's happening in real life that we should probably worry about. The research that Drs. Cheryl K. Olson and Lawrence Kutner utilized for their book Grand Theft Childhood echoes those sentiments. Their research showed that behaviors that were difficult to replicate or were shown to have negative repercussions were less likely to be repeated by children. Kids played Grand Theft Auto to blow off some steam after feeling bullied at school and actually felt less aggressive afterwards. Games with a lot blood or were generally more disturbing to children, and as a result, children were less likely to want to reenact violent acts they witnessed in bloody games. If Mario had a blood code, we may have had a lot fewer dead turtles in our country.  Of course, that's still just a generalization. The key thing to take away here is that there is no way to guess how all kids will react to the same content or how kids' parents will help them to process the content in question. There is no universal truth when it comes to this issue. It's all dependent on the individuals. All we can do is try to remind people to take responsibility for their actions as parents and as people.  This brings us back the ESRB, which doesn't seem to have much of a grasp on that concept. Instead, it works to determine what kinds of content is and is not harmful to children regardless of some sort of universal standard, the context, or how the content is implemented. Does it actually think that raising a child is that black and white? What's even weirder is that most in the industry just pretend that the ESRB matters, all while millions of parents buy Modern Warfare 3 for their 10 year olds, fully aware that the game will be relatively harmless to the hearts and minds of their particular offspring.  Part of that is because things could be a lot worse. If Leland Yee had his way, the world of videogame content ratings would be a police state. It's better to just let the ESRB pretend that it's doing a good job than to get rid of it, potentially permitting a much worse power to come into control. Another part of the problem is that we expect too much from the ESRB. It can't be our co-parent, and we shouldn't want it to be. The fact that it is so powerful in the eyes of some people speaks more to the desperate hunger parents feel for "expert advice" on child rearing than anything else. So if the ESRB can't do much to help us parent our kids, then what is it good for? Well, I guess it could serve the purpose of helping us know what kind of content a game contains, if it really wanted to. I guess the ratings could serve as sort of a mini-review system, but instead of addressing quality, they only address intensity. That might help people to weed out the games the games that might gross them out or give them nightmares, right? Even that is a little unnecessary, though. For the most part, kids will naturally be disturbed or otherwise repelled by any content that they aren't ready for. Kids feel pain, emotionally and physically. That's not something to be sad about. That pain helps them to instinctively avoid things that will hurt them. As I talked about in a past Constructoid, kids won't play games that are too much for them. If Resident Evil 4 is too intense for them, they'll go right back to Grand Theft Auto: Vice City. Water tends to find its own level, as does the mind of a child. Still, for the completely oblivious, I guess it wouldn't hurt to have a heads-up about the kind of content a game contains before they spend $60 on it. That doesn't mean that it's good for those labels to contain the completely arbitrary labels of "Everyone," "Teen," "Mature," and "Adults Only." I know plenty of kids who only play M-rated games, and plenty of adults who would never bother with anything rated T or above. Age doesn't really have that much to do with it, especially when it comes to something like videogames where both the graphics and interactivity send a constant message to the player that the events on screen are not a reflection of real-life events. People (usually) always have control over the events of a videogame. They can change the script to the story with the punch of a button at any time or just put the controller down and end the story right then and there. That helps to remind players that none of it is real and to keep things from getting more intense than they can handle. The exit door is always close by. It seems like society as a whole is still figuring that out. In the meantime, if the ESRB still insists of rating how disturbing or offensive various videogames are, then I think it should come right out and say it. Don't tempt kids to play M-rated games by dangling the ever-attractive "mature" label in from of their noses, and don't imply that certain games have more mass market appeal by saying they are for "everyone." If you think a game is potentially disturbing to kids or adults, don't put an age label on it. Just call a spade a spade. Change ratings the ratings from E, T, M, and AO to B (Benign), PO (Potentially Offensive), PD (Potentially Disturbing), and PT (Potentially Traumatizing), in that order. Not only is this less likely to attract kids to the "wrong" kinds of games (assuming that the "wrong" kind of games even exist on some objective level of measure), it's also just more honest. If a father isn't able to determine on his own (after doing some research of course, like every good parent does before buying a game for their child) that a thoroughly silly and joyfully taboo-bending game like Shadows of the Damned may not be a good fit for his easily startled, Hugga Bunch-loving little boy, I don't see how the the M rating is going to help him to understand it any better. I wonder if "potentially disturbing" might do the job though. Maybe that label will help drive home the fact that a game where you run around on top a giant replica of your naked girlfriend's body, only to have her disembodied head call you all sorts of swear words later on, might be a little to freaky for his son. Hey, if thats what it takes to help him be a decent parent, who am I to complain?  As someone who's been playing videogames far longer than the ESRB has existed, it's easy for me to see how much better it could be, assuming that we need the ESRB to exist at all. That's just me, though. How about you guys? Has the ESRB ever helped you to avoid a game that was too mature for you to handle, or otherwise aided you and yours in avoiding being emotionally or psychologically damaged by videogames?  Past Episodes: Talking to Women about Videogames: 3DS 2nd nub panic Talking to Women about Videogames: Gears 3 isn't perfect? Talking to Women about Videogames: Sexy vs. sexist? Talking to Women about Videogames: What makes you want? TtWaV teaser: Sony's online sucks now? Talking to Women about Videogames: I'm not a real gamer? Talking to Women about Videogames: Fear for the future Talking to Women about Videogames: Going mainstream TtWaV teaser: Battlefield 3 Vs. Modern Warfare 3 Talking to Women about Videogames: You! Like what I like! TtWaV Teaser: Should Skyward Sword be rated M?

PoleRiders is a game that involves riding poles Posted: 08 Nov 2011 07:30 AM PST PoleRiders is a flash game, and the only way to really understand it is to play it. It is better with two people, and playing alone is far less interesting. Now that I have your attention, PoleRiders takes the idea of pole vaulting and adds a slightly bizarre twist. Instead of trying to vault over a horizontal pole, the object is to use the vaulting pole to kick a ball suspended in midair into an opponents goal. This is the latest in a series of games by Dr. Bennett Foddy who also made QWOP and GIRP. Dr. Foddy's games are unique to say the least, and worth checking out. Despite his latest game's name, all of them are safe for work and most only require one player. The best part is that all are free, but the good Dr. Foddy isn't going to turn down money and most can also be purchased, so if you like his work go give him a few dollars. Or just enjoy some free flash game goodness. QWOP A Load Of Poleriders [Rock, Paper, Shotgun]

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